It is common sense that to get ahead in life we need to live within our means.  The definition of “means” is simply our income, be they wages for our work, income from investments and any government benefits such as Old Age Security.

When couples separate and divorce, it is a requirement for each person involved to show their income and expenses so that support can be properly calculated.  In a recent case with which  I have been involved, both the lady (Jill) and the man (Jack) had difficulties determining their respective incomes and expenses, before the split up.  I had to explain the best way to think about income was the amount of money deposited because the terms “gross” income and “net” income were not clear to either of them.  We also had to explain what “fixed” and what “variable” expenses were as well.

The way we helped them individually was to have them find their respective bank and credit card statements for the past 4 months.  We identified the recurring money deposits that each of them had and had them write down that amount in one column in a notebook.  We then looked at their spending or withdrawals during each of those months and listed them in another column.  We were able to find the recurring expenses and identified them as either “important” (fixed) and those things that were “nice” but not vital to their welfare (variable).  Here are Jack and Jill’s average incomes and expenses for the months February through May.

Average Monthly Income and Expenses:  February to May 2024

Jack’s Monthly Net Income           Jack’s Expenses (4-month average)                                                                

$7,091.49                                        Mortgage (PI)               $1,327.98                                                 

                                                         Groceries                        $625.48                                                                                                            

                                                          Dining Out                    $319.66                                                                                                            

                                                          Life Insurance               $ 62.62                                                                                                                        

                                                          Monthly Savings           $200.00                                                                                                            

                                                          Truck Payments           $890.78                                                                                                             

                                                          House Insurance          $147.18                                                                                                             

                                                          Monthly Poker             $129.16                                                                                 

                                                          Clothes                           $428.16                                                                                                                       

                                                          Gas for Truck                $368.18                                                                                                             

                                                          Trk Insurance                $186.19                                                                                                             

                                                          United Way                  $50.00                                                                                                               

                                                          Home Furniture            $1,698.87                                                                                                          

                                                          Cannabis/Tobacco       $523.88

                                                          Total                              $6,958.14                                                                                                                                       

                       Jack has on average, $133.35 left over at the end of each month.

Jill’s Monthly Net Income              Jill’s Expenses (4-month average)

$5394.43                                         Cable                             $190.68

                                                          RRSP’s                         $1500.00

                                                          Family Toiletries           $278.19

                                                          Short-term TFSA         $1500.00

                                                          House Taxes                 $368.00

                                                          Natural Gas                  $52.00      

                                                          Electricity                      $196.00

                                                          Housekeeper                $210.00

                                                          Family Gifts                  $65.00

                                                          Car Payments               $656.98

                                                          Car Insurance               $211.56

                                                          Car Fuel                        $98.91

                                                          Home Maint.                $412.16

                                                          Total Expenses             $5239.38

                             Jill has on average, $155.05 left over at the end of each month.

In Part 2, we are going to look at their respective spending plans after Jack and Jill split up in June.   

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In my role as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, I often get the question, “Who do I represent?”  The short answer is “Both”.  This answer is sometimes confusing to the individual that is looking to hire me because they are looking for assistance to get as good a deal as they can from their soon to be “exes”. 

It has been my experience over my 30+ years of being in the financial services industry, that most people think that to get ahead, another person must lose. It is often assumed that in the competitive marketplace that we live in, that all the wealth available is akin to a circumscribed pie, which can only be divided in such a way that is perfectly 50/50, with no allowance for creativity. 

Separation and divorce are most often an acrimonious event in couples’ and family’s lives.  In a recent case that I was witness to, a common-law couple were splitting up after 11 years. From the outset, both the man and woman said that they wanted the best for their two children.

When it came time to show the assets, incomes and liabilities, both the husband and wife became protective and vague about what they had or did not have.  When it came time to show their debt, they both were overstating the severity of each of their obligations and debts. Assets were understated, income was tenuous, and debts were extremely hard to deal with. Life was extremely hard indeed!

It became important to remind them that my job as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, was to be a “Financial Neutral”.  My job is to serve them to reach their stated goal to do the best possible for their benefit of the children. In short, I was working with each of them to build a financial plan that they could follow until both children finished their post-secondary education.

Collaborative problem solving is an ideal that is foreign to many of us, especially when emotions are high. It is for this reason, I encourage clients to work with family counsellors, mediators and lawyers that specialize in this type of dispute resolution. The alternative is usually a long and protracted fight.

Negotiating the divorce agreement is often a emotionally charged process.  In the financial planning work that I have been a part of, the memory that one person has is not always the same as the other.  In one recent case, where the couple was divorcing after 6 years, both could agree that they started living common law during their university years.  They both agreed that each of them had no savings and had student loans of $12,000 and $17,000 respectively.  Six years later, her debt load was $8,000 and his was $14,000.   Their net worth, (what one owns – what one owes) was reputedly $13,000.  The divorce agreement which had been crafted by the lawyer reflected this “reality”.

The reason that I use the word “reputedly” was because one of the people chose not to disclose to the soon to be ex, nor to the lawyer hired, a small lottery win at the local casino of about $25,000 in the previous year.  The money that the lucky person used to have fun came from their joint chequing account and the winnings were deposited into that person’s secret individual savings account.  When the $25,000 was added to that savings account, the total value that the person had hoarded was just over $30,000.

When the secret account came to light, after the divorce agreement was signed, the offended party fought back.  The original agreement was set aside due to “material misrepresentation” and a new divorce agreement had to be struck.  The result of this act was that more fees had to be paid by the greedy and duplicitous partner.  Perhaps, more importantly, the reputation of the person who tried to cheat the other was even further diminished.

Instances of “bad or selective memory” happen quite often.  The courts, when they find out that assets have been hidden, take a very dim view of this.  The result is that the court usually assign costs and other fees that can be quite substantial. 

In conclusion, full financial disclosure is simply the smartest thing for both people.  It speeds up the negotiation process and lowers the costs!

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In a recent Yahoo!Finance article, the author, Andrew Button, wrote that the average RRSP account that many Canadians have at age 71, is less than $300,000. 

https://ca.finance.yahoo.com/news/average-rrsp-balance-age-71-133000371.html?soc_src=social-sh&soc_trk=ma

To make a simplistic illustration, let’s assume that a couple are divorcing at age 65.  If the amount of the couples RRSP is $300,000 and is totally in woman’s name, then her retirement income will be even smaller.  Why?  Because assets need to be split and/or, her RRSP’s will have to be cashed in.  There are all kinds of costs that are not considered when going through divorce such as legal fees, new furniture, taxation, a new car to name just three things.

For most people, RRSPs are often their largest savings other than the equity that they have in their house. If you must cash in RRSPs to pay bills remember this reality:

Use the following withholding rates for lump-sum payments:

10% (5% for Quebec) on amounts up to $5,000

20% (10% for Quebec) on amounts over $5,000

30% (15% for Quebec) on amounts over $15,000

CRA emphasizes that these rates are only estimates. Since no tax is withheld at source on the minimum amount, annuitants of these plans are required to pay the tax attributable to such payments no later than April 30 of the year following the year in which they are received, unless they are required to make instalment payments.  Also, if the annuitant is earning income, the cashed in amount must considered at tax time as well.  Always check with your financial advisor, about the implications of cashing in RRSP’s.

To make this clearer, let’s assume that a legal bill of $10,000 needs to be paid.  To get the $10,000 after tax from the RRSP, $12,500 must cashed in (12,500 – 20%).  The RRSP balance has reduced from $300,000 to $287,500.00 ($300,000 – $12,500)

Divorce comes with many costs, some of which are obvious and some of which are not.  For many people, working longer into one’s senior years is often reality.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple take, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In a recent case, I had engaged with a couple that were starting to work through the details of the financial split.  Even though the combined net worth of the couple was impressive, the after-tax and after – fees costs started to look more daunting than first realized.  One cost that the couple did not consider were the fees of their sympathetic advisors.

The couple started to realize that whenever they talked to their legal counsel about how rotten their soon-to-be ex was, the cost was at the hourly rate of the lawyer, which in this case was $500/hour for His and $525/hour for Her’s.  Because each had to have accountants, the cost for that expert advice worked out to be $375 and $400 per hour each.  It did not take them long to realize that the cost of the divorce could get over $20,000 in no time, for each of them!  If things had to go to court, at over $12,000 each time they were in front of a judge, this pragmatic couple realized that they should be more amicable or better yet, invest into a counsellor at less than $200/hour to perhaps save their marriage.  In one joint “zoom” call meeting that lasted one hour, the total bills were:  ($500 + 525) + ($375 + 400)  = $1800.00

This true story ended up with the couple reconciling, albeit, clumsily.  They realized that the fight was a not worth the money.  Will the marriage last?  Neither of them knows, but for now, they are willing to make accommodations to each other so that neither one of them will have to go back to work as they are both well into their 60’s.  Also, they both came to realize that finding accommodation in this high rent economy is next to impossible. 

I am attaching a link from the Globe and Mail that is about the financial risk of divorce as it pertains to the marital home.

Divorcing parents face tough choices amid sky-high real estate prices.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/investing/personal-finance/household-finances/article-divorcing-parents-can-struggle-to-afford-family-housing-amid-sky-high

When two people get married, the happy couple enter at least two different partnerships, the emotional and the financial.  These partnerships begin on the wedding day and end on the date of separation.  For the purposes of this blog, it is my opinion that the separation of property is the easier of the two partnerships with which to deal.

Most young people getting married usually have more hopes and dreams than they have assets.  If fact, most young couples today bring a lot of debt into the marriage, be it in the form of student loans, automobile, and/or other consumer debt.  As the months and years go on, most couples start accumulating assets, while, hopefully, reducing their debt.

In a recent case with which I was involved, a couple, after 32 years of marriage, decided to divorce.  The couple started out like most young people at the time and after university, Mr. Y started working for the government.  That was 27 years ago.  He was an ambitious and capable employee and eventually worked himself into an important and prestigious position.   This career choice has resulted in, among other things, a great government pension and other lifetime benefits that he wants to trigger shortly.  Mrs. X was primarily a stay-at-home parent during that whole period.  Their comfortable home still has a modest mortgage and one of their vehicles is financed with three years remaining on the loan.

Both Mrs. X and Mr. Y had to work through a myriad of details if they were going to get divorced sooner than later. As mentioned in the first paragraph of this blog, they each had to work through the emotional challenges that they, their children, their friends, and their relatives all had.  The couple felt confident to tackle making the necessary financial statements that were necessary to split the assets.  The emotional strain each felt when having to sit down and do the work drained their energy.  It was simply more fun to binge watch the latest Netflix series.

Getting through a divorce can often be a litigious and costly affair.  Fortunately, there are choices each person involved in the divorce can make.  Luckily, provincial guidelines provide forms to help guide the process for the division of assets.  If the work is completed honestly, and accurately, the division of assets can be quite smooth and helps the Federal legal processes that determine if and how much support can be paid and for how long. 

My recommendation to this couple was to use a variety of people as resources to help them work through details.  Because separation and divorce are so emotionally charged, why shouldn’t Mr. Y and Mrs. X engage specialists to help them reach a fair and cost-effective financial settlement?   Lawyers, counsellors, mediators, collaborators, valuators, and Chartered Financial Divorce Specialists (CFDS) are just a few of the specialists that are available in the marketplace.

Creating a team of support during the divorce process can be the best thing each person can do.  Competent legal help is important, as is a good counsellor who can help each person process feelings of hurt and anger constructively.  The Certified Financial Divorce Specialist can provide process and insight as to how and why one might divide the assets in a certain way.  The CFDS should also provide Future Value calculations as to the long-term ramifications of one strategy over another. 

According to economist Dr. Thomas Sowell, “scarce resources have alternative uses.”  Time and money are limited for all of us, especially for those going through divorce. Recognize your own gifts and talents and hire experts in the areas in which you need help.

If you think you need my help in your divorce, fill out the contact form in this webpage and send it to me.  I will be happy to help.

Al Dyck – CFP, CFDS

References: 

Surviving Your Divorce, A Guide to Canadian Family Law, Michael G. Cochrane, LL.B., 6th Edition, 2015, pgs. 83 – 85

Basic Economics, A Common Sense Guide to the Economy, Thomas Sowell, 2015, pg. 2

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple take, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

Recently, I helped a couple achieve their divorce without breaking the bank.  The couple, who I will call Mr. Y and Mrs. X, decided to separate, and divorce after many years of marriage.  Mr. Y and Mrs. X were not of the same opinion as to how to come to an arrangement that could satisfy both.  He wanted to work out the separation of assets and the details around spousal support without the help of anyone.  Mrs. X admitted that she did not have a clue how to work out the details and, perhaps even more importantly, was not able to think clearly about how to have a good discussion on these topics.  One thing was clear, they both knew that the marriage was over, and they needed to get on with life independent of each other.

Mrs. X reached out to me against the advice of Mr. Y.  Mr. Y was confident that he knew everything he needed to do because he had researched the topic on Google.  Mrs. X tried to do her homework with the help of her colleagues at work and her neighbor lady next door.  Neither wanted to engage the services of lawyers because the stories of high costs and long legal battles seem common in the marketplace.  Mrs. X was referred to me, a professional Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist (CFDS), by a colleague.  I was able to explain to her how she could proceed with confidence if she better understood the basic substance and some of the processes as outlined in the Divorce Act.  We also discussed that the separation of assets is governed by the province in which people reside.  This was very helpful to Mrs. X because the information she was getting from her next-door neighbor was about her cousin’s divorce in Prince Edward Island. 

Mrs. X accepted my services and shared the information that was provided to her with Mr. Y.  We all followed the process as outlined in the Engagement Agreement and within 5 months, determined 2 ways to look at how the division of assets could be achieved.  After some give and take on a few minor points, the “parties to the divorce” found a notary who drafted up the divorce agreement. 

In my opinion, the reasons why Mr. Y and Mrs. X got to this amicable split relatively quickly were:

1.  Even though they were unhappy about the failure of their marriage, they both agreed that the marriage was over.
2. Mrs. X and Mr. Y understood that they could not get more money from the other because of real or perceived injustices that occurred while being married.
3. Mr. Y and Mrs. X were respectful of each other’s wish to look for a couple of ways to split the assets.
4. Both “parties” found value in using a disinterested third party who could help them negotiate a solution that they wanted.

The professional fees that Mr. Y and Mrs. X were relatively low.  They had to pay for a professional valuation of the marital property, their recreational property, and their respective government defined benefit pension plans.  The fees of the CFDS and the Notary were focused on the solution they wanted as opposed to paying “fighting” costs.

In conclusion, a divorce can be achieved without breaking the bank!  In this case, Mr. Y and Mrs. X were invested in solutions that would help both have a hopeful financial future!

Ps.. this blog is a true story.  I have changed some details to protect the privacy of and location of these two people.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In my experience as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, I have been privy to many private and confidential stories.  People have shared anecdotes of heartache to relief and everything in between. One common theme, that is often shared, is how long it sometimes takes for the divorce to come to completion.

When I ask people why it took so long for their divorce agreement to come to fruition, the answer is often not about the couples’ attempts at reconciliation.  A common theme that is shared is that divorce was not a priority.  In a recent case, a couple, who had been living apart for 6 years, finally decided to get a legal separation.  I was asked by one of the people, what they should consider doing to proceed with divorce.  When I asked them if they had sought counselling or legal advice during this time of being apart, they both said “no”.  They were feeling rather ambivalent about their relationship, however, one person was now developing a new relationship with someone new and thought it might be prudent to “make things legal”.

Six years of separation made it difficult for both people to figure out how to unravel their joint banking accounts, the stuff in the house and what the divorce will mean as it pertains to their pension and retirement plans.  Both people in this unengaged relationship do not have a lot of money and are just not that motivated to do the things necessary to close one chapter and start new ones.  They just know that the marriage does not work but they do not seem to want to do the things necessary to come to closure. 

Providing value to this couple was quite easy.  Because this couple was not clear as to whether they should or should not divorce, it was best to refer them to seek the services of a mediator or a family counsellor. They need to gain clarity as to how to rebuild the marriage or to shut down the relationship.  My role as a CFDS professional is to provide services once the divorce decision is made and not before. 

 Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple take, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In business and in life, deals are made all the time.  Sometimes the deals are big and momentous, such as the purchase of a new car or house.  Sometimes the arrangements are much smaller, like who is doing the laundry or who will wash the dishes or cut the grass.  The deal before the deal is the understanding as to what people will do and how things will be done.

A big arrangement that does not get as much serious attention as it should is the courtship period before marriage.  The dating period is where the “deal before the deal” should be worked out.  The understanding of roles, money, in-laws, careers, religion, health and where the happy couple will live are just a few the important things that should be worked out before getting married.

Marriage and family are usually figured out when people are in their early 20’s and are generally financially poor.  However, it is becoming increasingly common that people are getting married and starting families in their 30’s.  The more people that are starting marriage and families in their late 20’s and 30’s the more there is to consider because careers and wealth need to be thought about.  Sharing will be a new concept for these couples.  In situations where this is the case, it makes sense to meet with a counsellor in advance to discuss how to integrate these complex matters.  In fact, it may make sense to work out a pre-nuptial agreement.

I am attaching a link to a recent Globe and Mail article that describes the value of pre-nuptial agreements and how working through the details may help protect your marriage!

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/investing/personal-finance/article-whether-you-have-few-assets-or-a-lot-pre-nups-can-help-prevent-messy/

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/investing/personal-finance/article-whether-you-have-few-assets-or-a-lot-pre-nups-can-help-prevent-messy/

The Pledge… Enjoy the video!

In my last blog post, I wrote about how divorce and separation is a heart wrenching event, second only in emotional intensity to the death of spouse.  In my observations of the divorces and separation of the people that I know, anger is often the first emotion exhibited with denial and depression being the next two emotions.  After these people have processed these initial feelings, they usually follow with the desire to fight.  Hurting people generally reach out to are those skilled in adversarial legal system, namely, lawyers.

The best people to represent you are those that can do the work, quietly and efficiently, behind the scenes.  While lawyers are very skilled in their craft, there are others that can be very practical and less costly.   Joselin Corrigan, a BC Certified Family and Third-Party Mediator, (https://porchlightmediation.ca/) told me in a recent interview that a trained and professional person can bring about healthy results in marriages that fail.  She went on to say that:

‘Mediation allows you to nurture and learn positive communication skills to reach common ground. It is a suitable and often better solution to sorting your dispute rather than settling in a courtroom. Mediation isn’t a form of therapy; however, it may still touch on personal issues and relationships. You can feel secure knowing that any personal information you share with a professional mediator is kept confidential.  A good mediator helps people have more productive conversations and can help to craft durable agreements in an environment that is safe, confidential, creative, and, in the case of family mediation, can include the perspectives of their children.’

I have added a link describes 5 stages of mediation that may be useful to anyone contemplating mediation.  For the best results, engage the most competent mediator you can find to help you and your soon to be “ex” reach a settlement that has lasting qualities.   Good luck!   https://plaintiffmagazine.com/recent-issues/item/the-five-steps-of-mediation-and-negotiation

If you live in the Kootenay Region of British Columbia and want to correspond with Joselin Corrigan, she can be reached at her website:  https://porchlightmediation.ca/

Have a great week!

Al Dyck

CFP, CFDS