A man recently contacted me with a question…. How difficult would it be to try to change his spousal support agreement?  The background story to this question was that when he and his wife separated, they had, with the help their respective lawyers, come up with a spousal support scheme, which at the time, seemed like a good arrangement to the unhappy couple.

About a year ago, a couple whom I will call Jack and Jill, of Smallville, B.C*., decided that their marriage of 14 years was over.  They each engaged their respective lawyers and started the process to divorce.  Prior to, and during their marriage, the couple both had decent jobs and were able to purchase rental properties in their town.  Jack and Jill, like so many people in business, had their business affairs organized as a sole proprietorship.

When they separated in autumn 2023, the couple decided to keep their real estate and rental business as it was, with Jack as the landlord, property manager, and handyman.  Jill, out of sympathy to her hardworking ‘X’, told him that she had a good idea for him.  Instead of paying her “support payments”, he could manage the properties in their entirety.  This meant that all the rental revenue would flow through their shared “business account”.  Luckily for them, their rentals were occupied 100% of the time since 2021.  On the other hand, maintenance costs, interest charges and taxes have used up all the cash reserves.  He just finished his 2024 income tax, and it was determined that he has to pay a large CRA bill over $17,000!

This arrangement is no longer satisfactory to Jack.  Jack has determined that that the traditional spousal arrangement would actually be better for him.  Hence his question, could the spousal arrangement that he signed with Jill, be changed?

The answer to that question is “yes, but.”  According to the Government of Canada Fact Sheet, March 18, 2025: 

If you are paying spousal support that is set out in a written agreement or in a court order, you must continue to pay unless:

The order is changed by a court when:

You and your former spouse agree to change your agreement; or

The conditions for stopping payment, as set out in the order or agreement, have been met.

A court may only change a spousal support order when justified by an important change in the circumstances of either spouse. For example, if the support payer loses his or her job after the support order was made and he or she can no longer pay the amount that was ordered, a court may then decide that the support order should be changed.

If you and your former spouse have a spousal support agreement, and either of you experiences a change in your circumstances, you may wish to change your agreement to reflect your new situation. However, both you and your former spouse will need to consent to any proposed changes to your agreement before they can take effect.

If your order or agreement clearly states that spousal support is to end on a particular date or on the happening of a certain event, then payment of support can stop at that point. For example, if your order or agreement specifically provides that spousal support is to end on December 1st of the year 2020, then your spousal support obligation would end at that time.

My recommendation, as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, was that he should build a logical case to bolster his argument to get the change he wants.  He could try to do it by himself, or he could hire me to help him build a team that could help him. I respect my client’s desire to try to save money by “doing it himself”, but in this case, he is in this position because he trusted his lawyer and his own instincts.  His lawyer, who specializes in real estate, did not counsel him to get any third-party advice before he signed the original spousal agreement.  He now has to pay a large tax bill and hope that he can convince Jill, her lawyer, and ultimately, the court to change this existing arrangement.    

* Names and Location are fictionalized to protect clients identity*

I was recently hired to help a couple determine how to divide the money and assets of their marriage.  This couple, Mr. X and his wife, Mrs. Y had been married for approximately 21 years.   Mr. X and Mrs. Y created a mixed family immediately as Mrs. Y had a daughter from a previous relationship.  Mr. X embraced both Mrs. Y and her daughter as his own family, even though the young lady was never formally adopted by him.

As time passed, the young lady had a son when she was in Grade 12.  The parents supported the daughter and the boy as best they could.  This is where the story gets complicated.  Seven years ago, the daughter decided to move to a new community with her son in order to take a job as a beautician.  She believed that she could earn a good living working within an established shop.  But things did not work out as well as planned for them.  She could not earn enough money to cover rent or food which resulted in her having to reach out to her mom and her mom’s husband for support. 

Six years ago, “stepdad” took money from his own inheritance account and purchased a house for the young lady and her son to live in.  His goal was to provide accommodation for his “stepdaughter” and her son.  Unfortunately, the hairdresser lady only worked intermittently and could not pay fair market rent, even at family rates.  This forced “stepdad” to underwrite the lifestyle of he and his wife and the daughter and her boy.  Covering the costs of these two households used up all of his monthly income.   Then three years ago, Mrs. Y left Mr. X to live with her elderly parents in another part of the province.  She, Mrs. Y, has decided that she now want to divorce Mr. X, which means that there will be a division of assets and probably spousal support payments that will need to be paid.

I was hired to help this couple find ways to divide the assets of this couple.  My job, as a financial neutral, is to understand the situation and be empathetic to the family dynamics while being focused on finding a variety of options for their consideration.  Here were some things that I had to take into consideration in order to help them:

1.  The value of his pension plan that needs to be split.
2. The value of the savings plans that needs to be split and the tax implications of those splits.
3.  What property is to be excluded from the calculations.
4. The spending plans that each person have to consider, depending on the choices of how assets might be split.
5. How to share the information to the divorcing couple that the decision to divorce was going to have implications not only for themselves, but also for the daughter and her son.

As a professional, my job is to lay things out in a way that reflects the reality of the situation.  For me, this meant that I had to be candid, but not harsh or cruel in how I delivered the message.  The decision to divorce was theirs and the fallout of that decision is something that they will have to come to terms with, which may take a lifetime.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple take, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

I came across this piece of wisdom on Facebook the other day.  Normally, I put much credence in social media posts, but this one I thought has some merit.  I hope each of you will gain some encouragement from it.  Author’s name and publication name were not given.

Marriage is hard

Divorce is hard

Choose your hard.

Obesity is hard

Being fit is hard

Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard

Being financially disciplined is hard

Choose your hard.

Starting a business is hard

Working a 9 – 5 job is hard

Choose your hard.

Life will never be easy most of the time

Choose your hard.

Choose wisely.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple take, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

Recently, a person engaged my services as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist.  This person told me stories of how the eventual “x” had been a totally bad person throughout their marriage.

The stories of the soon to be “x’s” faults were mainly about laziness, bad financial management, ego and even narcissism.  There was no mention of physical abuse or infidelity.

It was clear from my new client that the marriage envisioned was not the marriage realized.  The result of this eight-year debacle is only a pile of debt that one person created, but that the other owns. 

Now that the person with the debt realizes that they have been taken advantage of, anger and resentment is taking over.  It was important for me to educate this person about the difference between Reacting and Responding.  As difficult as it is, responding to a situation is always better than reacting.  It is vital to keep ones cool in these seemingly high-stakes negotiations with people who have disappointed you. 

In a September 16, article in “Psychology Today”, Dr. Matt James wrote about the need to build a foundation on forgiveness rather than fighting.  The attached article may be useful to those of you in a high stress situation like separation and divorce.  In conclusion, you should never go through life’s difficulties on your own. People like pastors, counsellors, lawyers and other specialists, like myself, are to help!

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fthepleasantmind.com%2Freact-vs-respond%2F&psig=AOvVaw3l0YLmOGmXX5FbzAJh1FD9&ust=1740440830206000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CAMQjB1qFwoTCNDi3Pz92osDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAJ

www.acdyck.com

For most people encountering a marriage split up, divorce and separation is a gut-wrenching event.  According to psychologists, this event is second only in emotional intensity to the death of a child or a spouse.  In my observations of the divorces and separation of the people whom I know, anger is often the first emotion exhibited, with denial and depression being the next two emotions.  After these people have processed their initial feelings, they usually follow with the desire to fight.  Hurting people generally reach out to are those skilled in the adversarial legal system, namely, lawyers.

In my opinion, the best people to help you are those who can do the work, quietly and efficiently, behind the scenes.  While lawyers are skilled in their craft, there are others whose help is very practical and are usually less costly.  

A relatively new service in Canada that adds significant value to couples working through divorce are Chartered Financial Divorce Specialists (CFDS).  A CFDS is a financial expert who only concerns himself with finding ways to split the money and assets.  When couples divorce, it is common to have to divide assets and money according to the laws of the province in which the couple live.  The rules and procedures that guide the separation of the accumulated wealth often seem simple on the surface but when we dig deeper, the skill of a financial expert can save much time, money and heartache.

 Most Chartered Financial Divorce Specialists work for both parties as a Financial Neutral.  A Financial Neutral is a professional who works best collaboratively with all parties involved.  A CFDS Financial Neutral brings value because they strive to link all aspects of the couple’s financial realities in a fair and equitable way. 

For example, in a recent case where a couple were divorcing after 28 years of marriage, the assets that needed to be split included property and pension plans.  The present value and future value of each asset needed to be considered in determining the fairness of the split.  Taxation also had to be considered in the determination of the arrangement.  The lawyers, to their credit, were fighting for the best arrangement for their client.  The Financial Neutral, however, looked at the total picture and came up with options for the couple to consider. 

Separation and Divorce agreements always include language that pertains to money.  In determining the fairness of the financial split in a divorce, couples should consider the advantages and disadvantages of negotiating in a competitive arena or negotiating in a collaborative manner.  A Financial Neutral is focused on delivering a win-win outcome from the outset.

Disclosure:  This essay has been written for general education purposes.  Each family situation is unique and therefore each outcome reflects each special situation. It is important to keep in mind that the more argumentative the couple are, the more expensive their divorce will be!

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat, and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In a recent case in which I have been involved in, the central discussion focused on the actual physical properties this husband and wife had acquired.  The couple, whose identities and addresses will be kept confidential, had built up a nice portfolio of buildings and land holdings since their marriage 16 years earlier.  The different holdings were mostly held jointly.  There were two exceptions to this; one property was acquired by her and the another was acquired by him from money that they both had in their joint savings and Tax-Free Savings Accounts (TFSA’s).

To help the couple, it was important to remind them of how things work in B.C.  In a recent course on the topic of Family Property that I completed through the Canadian Institute of Financial Planners (CIFP) the rules about the division of family property apply to both married couples and unmarried couples who have been living together (for at least two years) in the province of B.C. It is important to differentiate between what happens to property when spouses separate as opposed to what happens when a spouse dies.

“Marriage does not give one spouse an automatic proprietary interest in the property of the other spouse.  Each spouse is still free to own and control assets registered in his or her own name.  However, marriage does create a statutory obligation to share in the value of assets acquired by both spouses during the marriage, and in some jurisdictions, in the value of assets acquired prior to marriage.  Essentially, the matrimonial property legislation views marriage as a partnership.  When the partnership is terminated, each partner is entitled to receive a share of usually 50% of the community property.” (page 3, Family Property and Other Issues, Canadian Institute of Financial Planners, 2024) ((This quote is generic to Canada, each province has their own unique laws)).

For this divorcing couple, it was valuable for them to understand how the property laws work in British Columbia.  This clarity helped to speed up the negotiations that were occurring between them.  The old saying, time is money, is especially relevant when engaging the services of accountants, counsellors, lawyers, and financial planners.  The fewer things that are contested, the more money there is for each of you and for the kids!

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat, and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

In my role as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, I often get the question, “Who do I represent?”  The short answer is “Both”.  This answer is sometimes confusing to the individual who is looking to hire me because they are looking for aid to get as good a deal as they can from their soon to be “ex’s”. 

It has been my experience in my 30+ years of being in the financial services industry, that most people think that to get ahead, another party must lose. It is often assumed that in the competitive marketplace in which we live that all the available wealth is akin to a circumscribed pie, which can only be divided in such a way that is perfectly 50/50, with no allowance for creativity. 

Separation and divorce are often the most acrimonious event in a couples’ and in a family’s lives.  In a recent case that I was witness to, a common-law couple were splitting up after 11 years. From the outset, both the man and woman said that they wanted the best for their two children.

When it came time to show the assets, incomes and liabilities, both the husband and wife became protective and vague about what they had or did not have.  When it came time to show their debt, they both were overstating the severity of each of their obligations and debts. Assets were understated, income was tenuous, and debts were extremely hard to deal with. Life was extremely difficult indeed for both the husband and the wife.

I found it necessary to remind them that their fictional stories were not helping their desire to separate and divorce in an efficient way.  I had to tell them that my job as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, was to be a “Financial Neutral”.  We had to find a way to see the world as it really was, so that they could move on, considering their desire to work for the benefit of their young children.  In short, I was working with each of them to build a financial plan that they could follow until both children finished their post-secondary education.

In my capacity as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, I have found that working within a collaborative problem-solving process is an ideal path to follow.  The term “collaboration” is a concept that is foreign to many of us, even though the word is common.  The collaboration process can work especially well when emotions are high, and trust is fragile. 

Being a Financial Neutral sometimes means that one person hires me and not the other.  This makes things more difficult, however, in the process of working through the finances, full disclosure is always necessary for the equalization of assets to be determined.  For example, if I only complete one party’s calculations and guess at the others, then my work, when presented for review, will be rejected as inaccurate by the other’s spouse and their legal counsel.  This will result in wasted time, effort and loss of credibility for the person who hired me and of course, for me.  It is also a waste of the client’s money.

It is for this reason, that even if one person hires me, ultimately, I am working for both people and their families.

In conclusion, as a financial neutral my goal is to help couples in a collaborative divorce make informed decisions about their assets, income and expenses.  I can help couples to:

1. Understand the financial implications of their separation.
2. Express their financial interests
3. Make decisions about keeping or selling properties
4. Address long-term financial implications
5. Focus on reasonable outcomes
6. Begin to make financial decisions about their futures as a single person

In this past year, I have been engaged in many discussions where the decision to separate and then divorce has been contemplated for a long time.  In one case, the decision to divorce had been contemplated for over 18 years, in another, 12 years, in another, 7 years.  The shortest period was made after 2 years.  In my short career as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, the decision to separate and then divorce has always been deliberately and seriously made.

My role as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist is to assist in helping couples to separate the assets fairly to reach a 50/50 split.  The way to get to 50/50 can take a variety of paths depending on the priorities of each person.  In one situation, one person was moving away from the community and therefore had no desire for the marital home.  In another instance, one person, who had custody of the children, wanted the marital home.  Yet again, in a more complicated case, the cash flow from the family business created a desire on one person’s part to stay involved in the day-to-day operations while living in a new condo with a new partner.

In my experiences to date, the decision to separate was usually made quite quickly. The more complicated and lengthy part of the divorce has been to figure out the separation of the money and assets.   In Canada, it usually takes a year of living separately before a divorce is granted under the “no-fault” guidelines of the Divorce Act.  While divorce can be granted in less that one year, if adultery, physical or mental abuse can be proven, most couples opt for the one year of separation.  For these people, they use the lead time to negotiate the split of assets and money.  Often the most complicated aspect of the negation is how to calculate child and spousal support.    

My goal, as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, is to help couples get to closure as quickly as makes sense.  Most people want to start a new chapter in life, once they have determined that the previous chapter has ended.  The future value of those decisions can be enhanced if the separation of assets can be reached sooner than later.

• Always check with and understand the property laws of your province *

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple take, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

I recently finished a course that was titled, “Managing & Resolving Conflict to Discover the Wonders of Collaboration”.  As a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, my job, as a financial neutral, is to help bring about financial fairness in a separation and divorce. 

 Many people have pre-conceived beliefs as to how the world works.  They assume that all their experiences and education make up the sum of all wisdom on any subject.  These beliefs often create an inflexible or rigid “line in the sand” which often results in a win-lose outcome.  But what if we can seek and achieve win-win outcomes?

Many of us enter marriage with the belief that it will be “till death do us part”.  For about 50% of the population that marry, this vow holds true.  For the rest of the population that either marry or live common-law, the splitting of accumulated wealth, possessions and family units is often fraught with disappointment, anger and gamesmanship.  Why?  In my opinion, it is because people either do not have good models of problem-solving techniques or fail to use them appropriately.   It is for these reasons, that negotiating for yourself is often a bad idea.

My role, as a financial neutral, is to use collaborative problem-solving methods to achieve a win-win outcome.  If you wish to engage me, either in your pre-nuptial, nuptial or post-nuptial planning, please fill out the contact form in my website.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, clubs and all levels of government.

My last blog, Spending Plans (aka Budgets) Part 1, we were privy to the budgeting challenges of my clients, Jack and Jill.  You will remember that both Jack and Jill each had some money left over at the end of each of the last four months.  Jack averaged a surplus of $133.35/month and Jill averaged a surplus of $155.05/month through the months of February to May.

In the month of June, Jack made the decision to leave Jill.  He moved to an apartment and set up a new home for himself.  With all the changes in living arrangements, both Jack and Jill’s financial rhythms had to be totally restructured.  Some bills will stay the same, others will be duplicated, and some new bills will start for one or both people.  Separation and divorce create new complexities that compound the already stressed situation.  Here are Jack and Jill’s expenses from June through to the end of August.

Jack’s Monthly Net Income                              Jack’s Expenses (3-month average)

$7,091.49                                                           Rent                     $2018.00

                                                                             Groceries             $ 736.00

                                                                             Dining Out           $ 284.00

                                                                             Cable TV              $ 147.29

                                                                             Electricity            $ 286.68

                                                                             Life Insurance     $   62.62

                                                                             Monthly Svgs      $ 200.00

                                                                             Truck Pmts          $ 890.78

                                                                             Renters Ins          $   22.24   

                                                                             Monthly Poker   $ 177.00

                                                                             Clothes                $ 298.00

                                                                             Gasoline              $ 418.00

                                                                             Truck Insurce       $ 186.19

                                                                             Furniture Rent    $ 327.28

                                                                             Cannabis/Tob     $ 549.34

                                                                             Camper Trailer   $ 487.87

                                                                             Total                    $7091.29

(Jack averages a $0.20 surplus at the end of each month)

Jill’s Monthly Net Income                                 Jill’s Expenses (3-month average)

$5,394.43                                                           Mortgage            $1327.98

                                                                             Cable                   $ 190.68

                                                                             RRSP’s                  $1500.00

                                                                             Toiletries             $ 149.84

                                                                             TFSA’s                  $1000.00

                                                                             Nat Gas               $   52.00

                                                                             Electricity            $ 196.00

                                                                             Housekeeper       $ 000.00

                                                                             Family Gifts         $ 000.00

                                                                             Car Payments     $ 656.98

                                                                             Car Fuel               $ 128.24

                                                                             Home Maint.      $ 000.00

                                                                             Total                    $5201.72

(Jill averages a $192.71 surplus at the end of each month)

When Jack moved out to live in his own apartment, the net effect of his spending pattern resulted in him living in a high rent complex.  The rest of his living costs did not change significantly.  The big exception to his costs was the purchase of a camper trailer that will cost him $487.87/month for the next 15 years. 

Jill had the capacity to adjust to taking over the marital home costs.  She chose to reduce the rate of savings of her TFSA from $1500/month to $1000/month.  She also chose to eliminate paying for family gifts ($65/month), she gave up her housekeeper ($210/month) and stopped the home/yard maintenance program ($412.16/month).

Jill is in quite good financial shape because she is quite disciplined in her day-to-day spending.  Jill is relatively humble in her needs and was able to make the difficult decisions as to where to cut costs and save money.

Jack enjoys living in the moment and looks to have excitement.  He was able to fill the gap in his budget by purchasing the camper on credit. 

My job as a financial neutral is not to pass judgement on Jack and Jill’s respective spending decisions.  Both Jack and Jill have more work as they proceed toward dissolving their marriage.  The costs of splitting assets and paying for the divorce are still to come.  Happily for each of them, they have yet to dip into their savings plans to pay for things.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, clubs and all levels of government.