In an earlier blog, I wrote about some of the major stressors in life. A few of these major events that cause immense suffering are the death of a spouse, the loss of a job, bankruptcy, diagnosis of a serious illness and, of course, separation and divorce.

Over the years, it has been my observation that the process of separation and divorce may be as stressful, if not more stressful than the divorce itself.

This week, a group of us have launched an exciting new service in the Kootenays that will focus on offering a Collaborative approach to separation and divorce. Check out our website at www.nocourt.ca

Couples that use the Collaboration Model often cite that this process is more satisfying than those using the traditional Adversarial approach. This is because the Collaboration Model allows for more dialogue between the couples in conflict.

This approach will not remove all your stress but may reduce the trauma and distress you could experience. We look forward to being of service to you if you want to reach out to us.

While on vacation recently, I had a conversation with a fellow resort holidayer.  As so often happens, the topic of what one does for a living comes up.  When I said that I work as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist, our discussion turned to stories about themselves or people they know whose marriages collapsed, not only once, but sometimes more than twice. 

Because of this visit with my new friend, I decided to investigate different famous people’s marriage flameouts.  I have gleaned my information from the world’s favorite encyclopedia, Google.  The information may be accurate, or it may not be.  Regardless, I hope that you will be inspired not to emulate these people as role models for excellent family life!

Story # 1 “My papa was a rolling stone”

Glynn “Scotty” Wolfe – As written in the Los Angeles Times, June 20, 1997

Glynn “Scotty” Wolfe, 88, the world’s most often-married man. Wolfe, a flamboyant, Bible-thumping minister, held the Guinness Book of World Records title on frequent matrimony. He was married 29 times. His widow, Linda Essex-Wolfe, has held the record as world’s most often married woman with 23 husbands. Although he lived in California and she lived in Indiana and they spent only a week together, they had planned to renew their vows today, which would have been their first wedding anniversary. Wolfe’s shortest marriage was 19 days and his longest seven years. Proud of his ever-growing record, Wolfe frequently appeared on television talk shows, including “Donahue.” Although he had 29 wives, 19 children, 40 grandchildren and 19 great-grandchildren, nobody stepped forward to claim Wolfe’s body after he died on June 10, 1997, of heart disease. His ashes were placed in a collective grave in Redlands, California.

So, you want your boy to be a professional athlete?

According to the American law firm of Gladstone and Weisman, P.A., (August 2020) professional athletes in the NHL, NBA, and NFL have divorce rates between 60% and 80%.  According to the American Bankruptcy Institute, 60% to 80% of all professional athletes are in financial distress within a few years of their careers ending.  Most NHL careers are over within 5 years of a young man signing his first professional contract and almost all of them did not create a “contingency career”.

If marriage matters to you, which careers have the lowest divorce rates?

According to the Australian Family Lawyers group, Actuaries consistently show the lowest divorce rates, often cited around 17% in studies. Due to their work in risk assessment, these professionals likely apply similar logic to their marriages. Other professions with low divorce rates include engineers, scientists (physical, life), and clergy, often characterized by higher salaries and education levels.

Top Careers with Lowest Divorce Rates:

Actuaries: 17% (lowest)

Petroleum, Mining, and Geological Engineers: 23.2%

Clergy: 6.0%–19.8%

Scientists (Physical/Life): 18.9%–19.6%

Software Developers: 20.3%

Optometrists & Healthcare Professionals: 20.8%–21.8%

Key Factors Influencing Low Divorce Rates:

Income Stability: Higher-salary professions, such as surgeons and scientists, often report lower divorce rates.

Risk Management: Professions that require managing risk, such as actuary roles, may carry over to more cautious, stable personal lives.

Education Level: Individuals with a bachelor’s degree or higher are less likely to divorce compared to those with less education.

What group has consistently the lowest divorce rates?

According to research by Bradford Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, he states that ‘Couples who regularly practise any combination of serious religious behaviors and attitudes – attend church nearly every week, read their Bibles and spiritual materials regularly; pray privately and together; generally take their faith seriously, living not as perfect disciples, but serious disciples – enjoy significantly lower divorce rates, approximately 35% better, than mere church members, the general public, and unbelievers.’ 

I hope that you found this blog interesting, useful and helpful!

In a recent case, a couple, age 39 and 35, who had divorced four years ago, hired me to help them split their respective retirement accounts. This couple of relative humble means, had made the decision when they ended their marriage after 11 years, to leave the retirement money out of the discussion. At the time when they were negotiating terms, the couple were under the belief that the money would grow into a larger sum of money if they just left the accounts alone until the time when they retired in their sixties. Their goal was to split the money at that time so that they would have more money in retirement.

When we reviewed their respective accounts, we found the following:

1. The lady, who now had remarried, named her new husband as beneficiary on her RRSP.
2. The man, who had not remarried, had named the children as beneficiaries on his RRSP’s.
3. The two investment accounts were with different advisors at two different firms. The lady’s investment account was conservatively invested over the years and had enjoyed a Rate of Return of 7.4% over the 15 years. The man’s RRSP was aggressively invested in a higher risk portfolio and achieved a Rate of Return of 9.7% over the same period of time.
4. They were both contributing to their RRSP’s. She had contributed $300.00 per month since the divorce. He, on the other hand, put in varying amounts each year, usually in February, also since the divorce.

The couple, wishing to facilitate an amicable divorce, inadvertently created six big problems for themselves. These problems were:

1.  The retirement fund agreement that they had made was made as a part of their respective wills, but with no formulas as to how the money was to be shared with each other at an unspecified retirement time.
2. If either one died or became incapacitated, the beneficiary designation on their RRSP’s would conflict with their respective wills.
3. At time of co-habitation, he had just over $16,000 in his RRSP and she had none. Therefore, this amount would be exempt from the divorce calculations.
4. The RRSPs are not invested in the same way, resulting in different future values.
5. The amount of money that each person is investing into their RRSPs is not the same, also resulting in different future values.
6. The man is now seeing a new lady who will expect that she will become the beneficiary of his RRSP.

Luckily, they decided to review their verbal agreement with me to see if they should make things smarter. Fortunately, we were able to review this noble but messy arrangement after only 4 years.

Here is what we did:

1.  We figured out the value of the man’s RRSP at time of co-habitation.
2. We calculated the value of the man’s RRSP from date of co-habitation to the date of divorce.
3. We subtracted the amount of money he had when they got together from the amount of money in the account on divorce date. We divided those sum by 50% as that is the amount of money she is entitled to according to the Marriage Act.
4. We calculated the amount of money she accumulated within her RRSP up to the date of divorce. We divided those sum by 50% as that is the amount of money he is entitled to according to the Marriage Act.
5. Then we calculated the rate of growth of the principle sums, since the divorce up to the present date. We kept the contribution amounts out of this calculation because what they each contributed to their RRSP’s belongs to them personally. The amount of money calculated would then be added to the sum calculated in points 3 and 4.
6. I advised them to see their respective advisors, with copies of our calculations and their Divorce Agreement so that the applicable transfer forms could transfer the money without triggering taxation.

This collaborative process was completed over four one-hour meetings. The couples motivation to work out the arrangement with me, a financial neutral was three fold: 1) they wanted to maintain the amicable relationship, they had built up since the divorce, 2) to show their children that their imperfect parents could still respect each other and 3) to work out an arrangement that met each others needs, without breaking the bank. 

In conclusion, I did advise them to seek thirdparty advice to determine if we missed anything. They ultimately were satisfied as they got much closer to the arrangement they wanted when they got divorced 4 years earlier.

Recently, a person reached out to me to help him and his wife with their divorce. They have been married for almost 26 years and have been living apart for the past three. After interviewing each of them, they independently said that the marriage was over and that they should go ahead to get a divorce. When I asked each of them why they continue to be in the “separation phase” for the past 3 years, they each had different answers. When I probed deeper into each of their individual reasoning, the man just wanted to get on with living. The woman, too, wanted to get on with living, but had serious “trust” issues with his style, his calculations, and the method that would guide the asset split and how the spousal support would work out for her.

When I contemplated their answers, it seemed to me that they thought that there was only one way to get a divorce; that they both had to “lawyer up” and fight it out. The goal of this blog is to show that there are at least 5 ways to work out a divorce.

Option 1 – Uncontested Divorce: 

This may be the easiest and least costly way to wrap up the marriage. This approach, called an uncontested divorce, has the couple work out the details as they see fit. To start an uncontested divorce in British Columbia, several legal documents are needed, including a Statement of Claim for Divorce, a Divorce Judgment and Order, and a Request for Divorce. The necessary forms and procedural steps depend on whether children are involved or not, and the process may be completed either through a sole application or by giving a joint application as a couple. These forms are necessary so that your divorce is legally recognized. Make sure that you do your homework!

According to the Family Law website, over 80% of all divorces in BC are uncontested. The term “uncontested” does not mean that lawyers are not involved. In many cases, either one or the other person sometimes engages a lawyer to help guide them through a “technical” aspect with which they may need help. The danger in engaging one’s own lawyer, is that the other person may feel threatened because they feel that they are getting out negotiated. The other person then gets their own lawyer. When both couples get their respective lawyers, this often triggers the contentious adversarial model resulting in the Contested Divorce.

Option 2:  Contested Divorce:   

In British Columbia, working out a contested divorce primarily involves mandatory dispute resolution processes outside of the courts, with a trial as the final way if no agreement can be reached. Consulting with a qualified family lawyer is highly recommended, especially if there are complex issues that need to be worked out.

Key Steps to Work Out a Contested Divorce

1. Seek Legal Advice: A lawyer specializing in BC family law will explain your rights, obligations, and the legal process, and help you find the best approach. Do not assume that all lawyers are experts in family law. The local lawyer that helps with conveyancing property may be a good person but may have no time nor the aptitude to help with the demands of family law. Also, it may be difficult to find a qualified family lawyer where you live due to geography, and the number of cases lawyers may have on their desk at any given time.
2. File and Serve Documents: The process formally begins when one spouse (the claimant) files a Notice of Family Claim (Form F3) in the BC Supreme Court and officially “serves” it to the other spouse (the respondent). The respondent then has a specific time limit to file a Response to Family Claim (Form F4), which makes the divorce a contested case.
3. Exchange Financial Information: When couples divorce, each person is legally required to provide full and honest financial disclosure, including all income, assets, debts, and expenses. These forms, either Form 4 or Form 8, ensures that decisions about support and property division are fair and informed. This Exchange of Financial Information is often a sticking point between couples, especially if there are secrets, activities that someone is embarrassed about, or if the one of the people is not organized. In my role as a Financial Neutral, getting correct and prompt statements and reports often results in either one or both using up a lot of time and effort to find their financials.
4. Engage in Dispute Resolution (Mandatory): The Divorce Act requires parties to try a family dispute resolution process, if proper, before a trial. Four options include:
5. Arbitration: A private arbitrator acts like a judge, listening to both sides and making a legally binding decision.
6. Collaborative Law: You and your spouse, each with a lawyer, agree to work cooperatively and not go to court, aiming for an out-of-court agreement. This process usually includes other professionals such as Financial Neutrals, Family Professionals, and Mental Health experts.
7.  Mediation: A neutral third party (a mediator) helps you and your spouse discuss issues and reach a mutually agreeable settlement.
8. Family Justice Counsellors: These government staff provide free help with support and parenting arrangements and can help formalize agreements.

• Attend a Judicial Case Conference (JCC): If there are intractable issues that are unresolved after other methods are exhausted, a JCC may be scheduled. A judge meets informally with the parties and their lawyers to narrow the issues and explore settlement possibilities.

6. Interim Orders (If needed): If you need a temporary order for matters like child support, spousal support, or parenting arrangements while the divorce is pending, you can make an application to the court for an interim order.
7. Trial: If all settlement efforts fail, the case goes ahead to a trial. A judge will hear evidence from both sides and make a final, binding order on all outstanding issues.
8. Finalize the Divorce: Once all issues are resolved (either by agreement or court order), final documents are sent in to court for processing. The court issues a divorce order, which becomes final 31 days later, at which point you can receive your divorce certificate. These final documents can be sent in personally as in uncontested divorce or by legal counsel.

There are Key Considerations

• Timeline: Contested divorces in BC can take anywhere from one to three years, or longer, depending on the complexity of the issues and court scheduling. I have seen five divorces that have taken over 10 years to come to a resolution!
• Cost: Litigation (going to trial) is significantly more expensive and stressful than reaching an agreement through alternative dispute resolution. Remember that court costs are just one part of the equation. The clock is always ticking as it pertains to your lawyer, plus other costs such as photocopying and expert third party witnesses, if necessary, to name just three costs that you will suffer.
• Child’s Best Interests: In all decisions related to children, the court’s paramount consideration is the child’s best interests. Couple’s that engage in the Collaborative process, often can get to a plan that is most sensitive to the children’s best interests because a family expert is usually a part of the negotiation. A court’s decision may not be as sympathetic to the unique needs of each of the children, especially if one of them has a specific need or gift.
• Agreements: You and your spouse can reach a full or partial agreement at any point during the process, which can then be formalized into a consent order, potentially avoiding a trial. 

Conclusion: At the beginning of this blog, I shared the story of a couple were were trying to work out how to get their divorce completed. They started out with an uncontested model; he tried to go with an adversarial model but then tried to convince his wife to embrace mediation. When I suggested they embrace the collaboration model, she tentatively agreed to that style because she then knew that she had someone in her corner. They have reached out to a collaborative firm that exists on the west coast of BC and are in line to start the process sometime in the new year.

 This blog represents my experiences as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist. My specific job as a Financial Neutral, can only be as correct as the information that clients provide me. People who find this information of value, use it as a springboard to go deeper into the area into which they wish to delve. There are many more good lawyers than there are nasty and self-serving lawyers in the divorce and separation industry. My hope is that readers understand that there are choices people can make as to the style of representation one can engage.

Note: I am in favor of marriage! Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone…individuals, families, churches, community groups and all levels of government! Like all noble endeavors, it takes hard work, sweat and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile. If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick and efficient… your financial future depends on it!

Trying to get a good deal in your separation or divorce is often more difficult than it seems. In most cases, one person starts the process and the other resists. In almost all cases, once both people involved are moving toward divorce, there are usually arguments about the splitting of assets, spousal support, child support or a whole host of things, many of which are important, some stupid or simply just spiteful.  In a couple of recent cases in which I have been involved, the biggest challenges have been managing the legal system, the paperwork and having the patience required to deal with the backlog that exists within the courts.

When working through this “traffic jam”, it is frustrating to decide the best way forward. In my limited experience, most couples try to find the best style of negotiation process with the help of their lawyers. In B.C., this process can go smoothly if the divorce is uncontested. In fact, according www.gov.bc.ca.  most negotiations can be completed within a year if the married couple have been separated for at least one year.  (If the couple have lived together “common-law”, the period is two years.)

If problems arise and the divorce becomes contested, then the process will take longer. In one case that I am privy to; the divorce took just over 11 years to complete!

The challenging part of a separation and divorce is the mandatory paperwork that no one considers at the outset. According to the Family Law in BC website and the BC Ministry of Justice e-Divorce site, here are four important things to be mindful of if a couple are committed to getting a divorce.

 Key Timelines and Factors

There is a mandatory One-Year Separation.

The most common ground for divorce in Canada is that the spouses have lived “separate and apart” for at least one year.

You can file for divorce any time after separation, but the court will not grant the final order until the 12-month period has passed.

Spouses can be considered separated even if they still live in the same house, provided they live separate lives (e.g., no shared household duties or sexual relations). This is especially important because in each divorce there is a third party and that is the Canada Revenue Agency! Whatever you agree to in your divorce, couples should make sure things are done in compliance with Canada’s tax law. For example, if a couple are living in the same house, ensure that each of the couple’s bedroom is in a separate part of the house and that there is a separate entrance to the suite.

 Court Processing Time

Once all the correct paperwork for an uncontested divorce has been sent to the BC Supreme Court, the waiting period for the court to review and process the application is typically about two to four months, depending on how busy the court registry is.

Final Order Waiting Period

After a judge grants the divorce order, there is a 31-day waiting period before it becomes final and legally effective, during which an appeal can be filed. Remarriage cannot happen until after this 31-day period has elapsed.

Factors That Can Cause Delays

The most common reasons that delays extend the timeline are:

Disagreements: Inability to agree on issues like parenting arrangements, child and spousal support, and division of property and debt is the primary cause of delay.

Incorrect Paperwork: Applications with missing details or incorrect information will be rejected, requiring resubmission and causing delays. In my role as the Financial Neutral, incomplete or inaccurate financial statements and valuations slow down the process immensely.

Court Backlogs: The volume of cases in the court system can lead to administrative processing delays.

Service Issues: Difficulty in serving legal documents to an uncooperative spouse or one living outside of BC can prolong the process.

In getting a divorce, not only do you have to consider what style of negotiation you want to embrace, but you also must be mindful of the regulatory hurdles that you and your team face. It is no wonder that getting a divorce is stressful for all concerned.

How Many Ways Can You Divide Something in Half?

When couples separate, the rule in British Columbia is that the property that has accumulated during the marriage is to be split equally.  This 50/50 arrangement seems relatively straightforward, but things are not always as simple as things seem.

When we consider the phrase “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned” that originated from the 1697 play “The Mourning Bride” by William Congreve, we learn that the feeling of betrayal is so visceral that the rational concept of moving on and splitting things 50/50 is a total non-starter. A person who feels betrayed in their relationship, especially in their marriage will instinctively seek revenge.

In a recent case that I was involved with this past summer, a lady in a common law relationship, was so distraught that her partner left her for another person that she could not make any decisions.  This woman, a devoted homemaker, could not fathom going back to work to make ends meet.  The ex-partner, a more gregarious person, seemingly had no difficulty in moving on.  When the conversation turned to the reality of splitting assets and determining spousal support, both people soon got into the “blame game” because the person leaving had not considered the implications of leaving her partner of nine years for her new “soul mate”.   

This splitting couple, who are both in their mid thirties, had created quite a comfortable home.  They shared most things as couples do, including a comfortable condominium, a nice car, furniture, nice cooking tools, utensils, dishes, and some camping equipment to name but a few things.  They both had jobs, one worked in retail, and the other was in middle management with the provincial government.  When they engaged my services to help them work out the split of assets, I promised to show them 3 different ways as to how to look at ways to split the property that is acquired while living common law.

Option 1 – The King Solomon Approach 

In the Old Testament, 1 Kings 3:16 – 28, there is a story how King Solomon had to apply his wisdom in a very complicated, emotionally fraught, situation.  This frightful story shows that sometimes a bold and perhaps a simplistic judgement will shock people into making better decisions if they work out the decisions themselves.

This option assumes that we take all the possessions that a couple has acquired during their time of co-habitation, sell what they can in the open market and then give each person 50% of the proceeds, after tax and after fees.  The net outcome is that the couple don’t have any “things”, just cold hard cash.  Possessions such as Defined Benefit Pension plans, Canada Pension Plans are not sold, but split according to legislation.

I always start with this option as it helps clarify the value of things while helping the people involved see that there can be interesting ways to split assets especially after they get past the “getting even” phase.

Option 2 – Who gets the house and who gets the pension plan?

Most people understand that they need to live somewhere.  Others understand that there is a lot of future value in retirement plans.  On the surface, it may make sense to get possession of the house because we all need to live.  However, a person with little or no income, other than spousal support, may not be able to pay the on-going fixed costs such as taxes, condo fees, and maintenance.  Alternatively, the other party may see not owning the house as a real benefit, because the pension values may be equal to the value of the house. 

In this real-life scenario, when considering the value of different properties, the present value of the home, which was their condo, has a present value of $380,000.   The spouses pension plan, which has a present value of $215,000 would be much more 25 years from now.  On the surface, the value of the condo looks very appealing, except that Condominium Reserve Account does not have enough money in it to pay for the new roof and boiler which are necessary within the next 7 years.  To meet the reserve requirements, each owner needs to pay $30,000 to meet this legal responsibility.  If the lady earning her living working retail did not know this, she may have been accepted a bad deal from the “ex”.  There are two lessons in this brief scenario.  The first lesson is that different assets grow in value at different rates and the second lesson is to understand that all physical assets need maintenance and require money to fix the problems.

Option 3 – Understanding Exempt Assets

When calculating net worth and the amount of equalization to be paid, it is very helpful to know what one owns on the date of cohabitation and the value of things on the date when the relationship is over.  In this case, the retail lady had inherited her parent’s estate when they died in a tragic car accident.  The inheritance, which was in-excess of $750,000 came into her possession six years after she moved in with her partner.  Fortuitously, she had kept the principle in her own name but had generously shared the income from the invested capital with her partner.  Because she was clear about what she owned before moving in with her common law spouse and was smart not to co-mingle her inheritance with her lover, she dodged a legal mess which would have cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The other partner had started working for the provincial government before she moved in with her partner.  The amount of pension she had accrued before cohabitation, is deemed exempt for the purposes of dividing assets 50/50.  So, because of this, she only must share 50% of the pension that she earned during the nine years during which they lived together.

In conclusion, splitting assets can be complicated for a variety of reasons.  The first reason is that our ability to think can be clouded by rage and despair because of the sense of betrayal couples can have.  A second reason can be due to the complexity of the holdings that each person in the relationship may or may not have and a third reason is the amount of business acumen each person has.  It is not uncommon that one person is the “businessperson”, and the other is the “homemaker”. By using credible people, such as a Financial Neutral, family professional and collaborative lawyers, couples that are splitting can get to a more satisfying ending to their separation and divorce.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage!  Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government!  Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat, and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile!  If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it! 

Recently, we were pleased to attend a dinner party in our hometown of Cranbrook, B.C. My wife and I enjoyed to the opportunity to meet with people we had never met before. The group, which included us, totalled seven. As the evening went on, there were a variety of different topics of conversation that ranged from hockey, wine, children, fashions, and of course, what we all did for a living. Some of the people at the party were retired while others were still engaged in the marketplace.

It was interesting to see how enthusiastic each person was while describing their chosen vocation. The social worker described how they loved advocating for the homeless. The schoolteacher spoke about the elementary school breakfast program that provided nourishment for the children. The emergency doctor spoke about the challenges of caring for patients that arrive at all times of the day and night. A stay-at-home mother spoke about her passion as a homeschooling parent. The pastor spoke glowingly of his church and the development of small groups that fostered spiritual formation within the congregation. When the conversation came to me, I proudly described how I had just newly minted myself as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist and that I am on the verge of joining a Collaborative Group offering my skills as a Financial Neutral. I explained that a Financial Neutral is a professional that looks to offer a balanced view of the couple’s finances, as opposed to being hired for the financial well-being of just one person.

The people at the table at once began to share stories of how someone they knew, (or heard about) got screwed in a divorce. One question was, “is it true that 50% of marriages end up in divorce?”. Another question was, “is it true that lawyers just take advantage of their clients?”.   A third comment was, “when my cousin’s husband ran off with the next-door neighbor, she (the cousin) ended up having to pay him money! Because he was the cheating b’trd, he should have lost everything!”.

After a while, one of guests asked, “Why would someone hire you and your collaborative team when the “divorce industry” is dominated by lawyers trained in the adversarial system?

My answer was simple, “Because we only work with couples that want to get on with life.”  To illustrate my point, I took an empty plate and showed them that the size of the plate stood for the total amount of wealth they were going to split. I went on to explain that when couples fight over things at the lawyers’ rates of between $300 to $500 per hour each, it does not take long to burn through thousands of dollars. The amount of money represented by the proverbial pie will reduce quickly. The costs magnify if couples end up in court expecting justice.

Another question that was asked, in conjunction with the first question was what the “average” cost and the “average” time was it took to get a divorce. I explained that describing people’s marriages and family life challenges should not be commoditized. I went on to say that, in my opinion that any professional that gives “an average cost or an average length of time for a divorce” is unnecessarily raising a couple’s expectation as to how to think about resolving their issues. This is because there are no “average” couples and there are not “average” families. It is for this reason that the Collaborative Model was created in order to provide a different type of solution for couples and families who want resolution to a marriage that has failed.

A collaborative model usually involves a team of three or four collaboratively trained professionals:  A lawyer representing each person, a financial neutral and often a family professional. These experts are able to bring their problem-solving and people skills training to help the couples come to a more satisfactory resolution faster and more amicably in many cases.

Clients who embrace this model of problem solving, usually come to terms within 4 to 6 months from engagement. The common adversarial system has its place but has several drawbacks, the large one being that couples often have a long time to get representation because of a lack of lawyers specializing in family law in the Kootenay region of B.C. and indeed, in all of British Columbia.

At the end of the evening, all the guest all commented that it was good to know that there is an option to the traditional legal system of separation and divorce.

Note:  I am in favour of marriage! Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government! Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat, and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile! If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it!

In a recent case, a common law couple decided to separate after 9 years of co-habitation. The couple who fell in love, in spite of their different world views, found that they no longer loved each other because of those same world views.

One of the differences in world view was how money was to be earned and spent. The man who said that he earned less than he made, spent money on “potential business opportunities.”  These opportunities, which did not come to fruition, resulted in growing credit card debt, unpaid mortgage payments and a line of credit that continued to grow.

The couple engaged me to help them to help them determine two things. The first calculations were to determine how to best execute the 50/50 split of assets and the second calculation was to determine the value of how much child and spousal support would need to be paid.

When couples separate and divorce, it is vital that there is full disclosure of all property, debts, and income. The lady in this case, shared her information by presenting up to date statements from different financial institutions, including income tax. The partner, on the other hand, sent an email with estimates.

When the partner decided to share his past 3 years of income tax statements, it was illuminating for the former partner as he had been understating his income up until then. The man had only shown his T4 income to his wife, while withholding the information about his professional corporation.

When we calculated the child and spousal support properly difference in support payments was incredibly significant.

What is the lesson in this case? Proper disclosure of assets, debts and income will help to get an amicable settlement. The adage from an ancient book of wisdom, “your sins will find you out”, is actually true. The good news here was that the man who had “forgot” disclosing his professional income initially but later shared when he “remembered” to share his professional corporation’s income with us, saved both him and her a lot of time and probably, significant and unnecessary legal bills.

From time to time, people have asked me, why should people collaborate with me as opposed to engaging in the traditional “lawyering up” method. If you and your spouse/partner are committed to separating or divorcing, I will give you nine reasons to engage me, a Professional, collaboratively trained, Financial Neutral.

1.  Whereas most people have no training in conflict management, working in a collaborative setting with professionals who are, means you do not have to be alone!
2. Whereas most people have no training in how to “fight fair,” working in a collaborative setting establishes the rules as to how all parties will solve the problems identified by both you and your spouse.
3. Families can develop a plan that is customized for their unique needs.
4. You get to frame the financials in a practical way. This can be immensely helpful to the partner who may not be as savvy with the family finances as the other person.
5. Ideally, the collaborative process includes me as the Financial Neutral, a family professional (counsellors, social workers, pastors) and collaboratively trained lawyers – one for each person who is separating.
6. There can be significant cost effectiveness. Litigation can be a costly affair due to legal fees, court costs and potential appeals. In contrast, the collaborative process often proves to be a more cost-effective approach.
7. There is more confidentiality and privacy. In litigation, proceedings are a matter of public record. The collaborative process offers a way to stay out of the public eye.
8. Separation and Divorce is incredibly stressful and emotionally draining. By adding litigation to the mix, people and their families often end up sick and tired. The collaborative process on the other hand, fosters a cooperative environment that encourages open dialogue and active problem solving.
9. Court-imposed decisions rarely yield higher satisfaction results. Collaborative agreements tend to yield higher satisfaction rates that often stand the test of time.

In a previous blog post, I had referenced, the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss American psychologist who identified five stages of grief. These stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance, are common to couples and families that experience separation and divorce.

The question can be posed then, if you are going through this “valley of the shadow,” then with whom and how do you want to journey this path? In a litigious way or in a creative way with supportive professionals?

If you want to discuss your needs, do not hesitate to reach out to me through my website.

Over 20 years ago, a client of mine asked me a profoundly serious question. He asked, “what should I not do so that my wife and I can retire with dignity, hope, and comfort?”

The answer I gave was simple and straightforward. Do everything possible to continue to build a stable and reasonably happy marriage. Do not get divorced!

The reason that I responded to my friends in that way was because of my observations of other people that had gotten divorces and those who enjoyed happy marriages. (I have to add a caveat that says that a happy marriage does not guarantee wealth, nor does a divorce result that a couple become destitute).

It has been my observation that couples make life more difficult by having sad marriages that often end up with the cost of separation and divorce. If they end up fighting, the legal fees most often use up much of the resources that are being fought over.

I recently came across a YouTube presentation which I think you will benefit from. Unfortunately, the presentation is based upon American research and experiences. You will have to make the translation to our Canadian perspectives, however, given that our North American experiences are quite similar, the information is extremely useful.

Conclusion:  My goal as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist is to help those couples that are divorcing, do so in the most financially efficient way possible. There can be life after divorce, and it is vital that people be able to create a financial plan to build their respective futures. Call me at 250-417-1321 or email me at [email protected] if you have any questions.