The Value of Working with a Collaborative Group
Recently, we were pleased to attend a dinner party in our hometown of Cranbrook, B.C. My wife and I enjoyed to the opportunity to meet with people we had never met before. The group, which included us, totalled seven. As the evening went on, there were a variety of different topics of conversation that ranged from hockey, wine, children, fashions, and of course, what we all did for a living. Some of the people at the party were retired while others were still engaged in the marketplace.
It was interesting to see how enthusiastic each person was while describing their chosen vocation. The social worker described how they loved advocating for the homeless. The schoolteacher spoke about the elementary school breakfast program that provided nourishment for the children. The emergency doctor spoke about the challenges of caring for patients that arrive at all times of the day and night. A stay-at-home mother spoke about her passion as a homeschooling parent. The pastor spoke glowingly of his church and the development of small groups that fostered spiritual formation within the congregation. When the conversation came to me, I proudly described how I had just newly minted myself as a Chartered Financial Divorce Specialist and that I am on the verge of joining a Collaborative Group offering my skills as a Financial Neutral. I explained that a Financial Neutral is a professional that looks to offer a balanced view of the couple’s finances, as opposed to being hired for the financial well-being of just one person.
The people at the table at once began to share stories of how someone they knew, (or heard about) got screwed in a divorce. One question was, “is it true that 50% of marriages end up in divorce?”. Another question was, “is it true that lawyers just take advantage of their clients?”. A third comment was, “when my cousin’s husband ran off with the next-door neighbor, she (the cousin) ended up having to pay him money! Because he was the cheating b’trd, he should have lost everything!”.
After a while, one of guests asked, “Why would someone hire you and your collaborative team when the “divorce industry” is dominated by lawyers trained in the adversarial system?
My answer was simple, “Because we only work with couples that want to get on with life.” To illustrate my point, I took an empty plate and showed them that the size of the plate stood for the total amount of wealth they were going to split. I went on to explain that when couples fight over things at the lawyers’ rates of between $300 to $500 per hour each, it does not take long to burn through thousands of dollars. The amount of money represented by the proverbial pie will reduce quickly. The costs magnify if couples end up in court expecting justice.
Another question that was asked, in conjunction with the first question was what the “average” cost and the “average” time was it took to get a divorce. I explained that describing people’s marriages and family life challenges should not be commoditized. I went on to say that, in my opinion that any professional that gives “an average cost or an average length of time for a divorce” is unnecessarily raising a couple’s expectation as to how to think about resolving their issues. This is because there are no “average” couples and there are not “average” families. It is for this reason that the Collaborative Model was created in order to provide a different type of solution for couples and families who want resolution to a marriage that has failed.
A collaborative model usually involves a team of three or four collaboratively trained professionals: A lawyer representing each person, a financial neutral and often a family professional. These experts are able to bring their problem-solving and people skills training to help the couples come to a more satisfactory resolution faster and more amicably in many cases.
Clients who embrace this model of problem solving, usually come to terms within 4 to 6 months from engagement. The common adversarial system has its place but has several drawbacks, the large one being that couples often have a long time to get representation because of a lack of lawyers specializing in family law in the Kootenay region of B.C. and indeed, in all of British Columbia.
At the end of the evening, all the guest all commented that it was good to know that there is an option to the traditional legal system of separation and divorce.
Note: I am in favour of marriage! Healthy and happy families are the primary units of a strong and vital society and should be encouraged to thrive by everyone… individuals, families, churches, community groups, and all levels of government! Like all noble endeavours, it takes hard work, sweat, and tears to make something beautiful and worthwhile! If divorce is the route a couple takes, then make the break clean, quick, and efficient… your financial future depends on it!